Friday, June 11, 2010

The Neighbor

I apologize. This blog has taken a brief hiatus due to the fact I that I’ve been wasting my vacation time roaming around the west coast attending birthday parties (An 80th birthday party? Oh please let me die before I hit 80), jazz concerts, and weddings.

I’ve also been having neighbor issues. Last night marked the fourth time I’ve been woken from a dead sleep by our shiny red Lexus driving neighbor who comes home music blaring, headlights boring through our windows. He may as well shoot a cannon through our bedroom.

The clock on my nightstand shone 12:01am when I whipped out of bed, furiously threw on my robe, bounded down the stairs and flew out the front door. The look of terror that registered on the neighbor’s face as I rapped on the driver’s side window was precious. Scared out of his wits! I’m sure I looked a fright.

His window was halfway down when I began my tirade.

“Excuse me, but this is the fourth time—FOURTH TIME—that you’ve woken me up after midnight and I don’t appreciate it or your taste in music! I’m trying to sleep, and I like to sleep with my window open, and your music and your lights go right into my room! What do you have to say for yourself?!”

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t know anyone could hear it,” he cowered.

And then I stalked back into my lair house. Actually, that’s a lie. I had a few more choice words for him and then I went back inside. But we’ll omit that. It’s not exactly becoming of a lady.

Was I being absurd? Was it not rude? I’m all for loud music but not late at night. We’re not teenagers with our parents out of town or college freshman their first night away from home. Is it wrong to insist on sleeping with the window open? I get hot. It’s not fun to sweat in your sleep.

On a side note:
Lately I’ve been admiring the 63-year-old white woman at work who keeps a hair pick in her right front pocket for on-the-go fluffing of her perm afro.

If one more person asks me if I’m pregnant (I’M NOT EVEN GAINING WEIGHT RIGHT NOW, WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM?) I’m going to puke on them and blame it on morning sickness. 


B said...

do it. puke on them.

also? i'm so sure your robe is beyond fabulous.

Bobbiejane said...

You have got to be kidding me! This is hilarious! It is reminiscent of the times you would yell out of the ridge windows at people being loud while you were trying to sleep with your window open! Only 100% better because you actually went down there and tapped on his window! You. are. my. hero.

Petersons said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Petersons said...

I know what you mean! If you are married for more than six months you automatically should have 1 child on the way and another one being planned out!! Welcome to my life, at first I told them I thought it was always rude to ask questions like that and then give them the answer and now I make up a terrible lie (use your imagination) and then start crying and walk away:) I love to make people feel terrible for dumb questions they ask! Miss you!