Saturday, May 1, 2010

Bathroom Drama

I despise using the bathroom at work so much that I avoid going until I'm about to pee my pants or worse. There are simply too many women sharing the two restrooms on the second floor. It consistently smells like an overgrown, dirty vagina is looming over each stall. I can't take it! I can't handle that decaying, sour scent! I don't want to smell somebody's dirty vagina. C'mon people, you must know that you have to wash it every day, right? Not just a rinse, but a thorough washing. Go pick some up some vagina cleanser and make a habit out of it.

To make matters worse, three of the eight stalls are handicap stalls! If you don't know what that means, allow me to explain:
1. The cracks between the stalls are big enough for everyone to see you doing your business
2. Only the overweight women use them, and generally their business, and smell, is worse

I'm about to discriminate and I don't apologize, but let me preface this complaint: There are quite a few obese women at my work and the ones I know are lovely people and we get along well. However. In my experience of having to use stalls after them, their smell is more pungent; their splatters and grunts louder and more ferocious. I'm unsure if it's because of the excess folds of skin and fat that they're unable to reach down there to wash and wipe efficiently or they just don't know that it smells. As far as the grunts and splatters, I'm thinking that their higher food intake (hey, you gotta eat to maintain that weight!) produces a much higher output, if you will.

I'm not saying I think obese people should have a bathroom specifically for them. I don't want to quarantine them for Pete's sake! But I do think another bathroom is necessary to spread out the high traffic. I know I'm not alone on this because in a recent conversation with several other women, we realized we all try to use the ONE stall that has the air freshener above it.

My last grievance: talking on the phone while in the restroom. How incredibly inconsiderate to the person on the other end and to others in the bathroom with you! Don't fool yourself, the person on the line heard everything you were doing and that flush! It's an invasion of privacy for others using the restroom, no one wants their bathroom activities broadcast to all the world. Nor do I want to be subjected  to your private conversation with your doctor about your bladder infection/foot fungus/lactose intolerance. Just last week I overheard a girl advising her sister on what to do now that she had cheated on her husband. Nothing is so important that it can't wait until you're done in the bathroom.

Maybe I'll print this off and submit is as my formal complaint to HR. Also, I don't think there is anything wrong with the word vagina. So many people are scared of it! If I could, I would be a part of The Vagina Monologues.


Mama Mia said...

jane. you are amazing. i love how outspoken you are. i love how many times you used the word vagina. i tell my sons all the time how to hold their penis correctly so they don't pee all over the floor/wall/toilet, etc. and i haven't thought anything of it until you just mentioned how there isn't anything wrong with the word vagina. i totally agree. same thing for penis in my opinion. it's just anatomy.
kudos for you for updating your blog more. (yay!)
have you thought about bringing those travel size lysol or clorox sprays into the bathroom with you? maybe do a little spray spray before and after so your nose doesn't remember the nasty vagina smells? just a thought.

m.m. said...

oh how i've missed you and your OCD tendencies!

Jane said...

Meka you don't even know the half of it! :) I think I've only gotten worse.

Mia- good ideas per usual. And bless you for teaching them not to pee all over the place! That is the mark of a good mama!